


Knock Before Entering, a Dreaded “Work in Progress” (illustrated)

by drwritermom



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Humor, M/M, Photographs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 20:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19258738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drwritermom/pseuds/drwritermom
Summary: What happens when FanFiction meets four inch, vinyl Harry Potter figures, specifically Harry, Snape, Dumbledore and Dobby.  With McGonagall and Hagrid still at the great Amazonian warehouse, what will Harry and Snape do to get some alone time?  And how will the further arrival of Minerva and Hagrid further hamper their efforts?  And how does an actual, live, female Madagascar hissing cockroach fit into this?  Find out this, and more, as this story unfolds.





	1. The Room of Requirement is Not a Holodeck

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cithara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cithara/gifts).



> All the characters belong, either collectively, or in part, to JKR, Warner Brothers, and/or Funko, LLC. Except for the Madagascar Hissing Cockroach, which was locally bred and lovingly maintained.

[](https://s6.photobucket.com/user/kmwootonmd/media/159D3373-97B5-4E13-AC5B-DA58AE96251A.jpeg.html)

“So, Harry, do you want to explain why we are propped up against a clear vinyl bra envelope on top of a bed, in a suburban neighborhood in the American Northeast?”

“I don’t know, Sev.”

“And how did we all get transfigured into vinyl figurines designed to be cute? Severus Snape doesn’t do cute.”

“I don’t know, Sev.”

“Perhaps I might be of assistance, Severus...”

“Shut it, Albus, you lost your authority to make me listen to your megalomaniacal ramblings when you made me make you a past-tense headmaster.”

“Sev, does Hogwarts have a holodeck? Maybe he escaped from someone’s simulation..”

“We’ve had this discussion before, Harry, the Room of Requirement is not the original holodeck, it is unique to Hogwarts. If you don’t relinquish this delusion, there will be no more Star Trek marathons.”

“Master Harry loves his Star Tracks, Master Sev. Dobby will iron his ears if Master Sev”-

“Merlin save me from hysterical house elves - Harry, did you do anything before we found ourselves in this predicament?”

“Sev, don’t get mad, but I might have asked the holo-, oops, Room of Requirement, what it would be like if we were like the characters in Toy Story. You know, the movie?”

“YOU. DID. WHAT?”

“I do believe, my dear boy, that the lad’s long denied childhood and his Master of Death status confused the Room, resulting in what we have here.”

“Okay. I’m going to pretend this isn’t the worst predicament ever and ask the simplest question. What do a bra wrapper, and a bedroom in an American suburban setting, have in common with your hypothesis?”

“Young Harry is confused about certain aspects of his life, aren’t you, my boy?”

“I’m going to survey our surroundings, until I calm down enough to refrain from paddling your buttocks, Potter. I would tell you all not to go far, but at four inches, none of us is going very far by foot.”


	2. New Arrivals and Kippered Beef - Harry Has Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A box arrives at the muggle house, and Harry and Dobby take a peek at the contents while the muggles are away (and Albus is sleeping). Severus is nowhere to be seen, which isn’t saying much, when these characters haven’t moved a foot since he left. Harry’s curiosity is barely satisfied before the enforcer arrives. Aww, shucks!

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/182057033@N05/48099749043/in/dateposted-public/)

“Psst, Dobby, you can stop pretending to sleep, the Muggle lady is gone now.”

“Master Harry, why is Hagrid and the Professor in those boxes? Did they do bad things and get sent Azboxban?”

“No, Dobby, there is no such thing as Azboxban”-

“Yes there is, Master Harry, bad Master Malfoy was sent to Azboxban”-

“That’s Azkaban, Dobby. The Muggle said something about an Amazonian warehouse. I remember we came here the same way.”

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/182057033@N05/48099704871/in/dateposted-public/)

“Dobby, did you just experience a weird feeling of deja vu? I could swear we were all inside separate boxes, and they had clear windows that were like windows into a strange new world.”

“Dobby feels that way whenever hes and Winky has too much of the butterbeer, Master Harry.”

“Enough talking. Those kippered meat snacks look interesting. Let’s get some!”

A snap of a finger later, Harry had one huge meat snack.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/182057033@N05/48099704876/in/dateposted-public/)

“Dobby, this is massive. How am I supposed to eat this?”

A very stern voice interrupted the duo as they attempted to consume the purloined pemmican.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/182057033@N05/48099803812/in/dateposted-public/)

“Mister Potter, the enormity of that kippered snack is not your only problem. You lack a suitable orifice to stuff it into. And would you please explain to me, and to Hagrid, how we ended transformed into boxed vinyl figures, crammed into a shipping box with three bags of beef treats, and sent across the pond?”

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/182057033@N05/48099668941/in/dateposted-public/)

At this point, Albus awoke from his beauty sleep, while Hagrid joined the party, snatching the snack from Harry and Dobby, to give to Fang upon his return.

“Harry, perhaps you should start at the beginning” Albus commented, thus starting another flashback sequence.

“It seems to me, Albus, that finding Severus is our next task. I think we should remain together while we search. I am convinced that our strength in numbers prevented the dachshund currently occupying this bed from using us as chew toys.”

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/182057033@N05/48100101536/in/dateposted-public/)

“But what if she chases us?” squeaked Dobby.

“I guess that’s a chance we’ll just have to take” McGonagall proclaimed as she led the assembled off to find the Headmaster.


	3. Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Roach?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one knows Snape’s location. Snape does, he’s trapped with a great big flipping ROACH! Someone’s gonna pay!

 

 

Warm, thickly humid air whistled through the cavernous nostrils of Hogwart’s resident Potions Master, propelling him to instant wakefulness. A wary scan of his environs immediately transformed his cautious wakefulness into full-fledged panic. Severus Snape, wizarding Britain’s most seriously snarky badass, was face to face with a huge Madagascar Hissing Cockroach. The suave yet stylishly grumpy Headmaster Brewer was reduced to a British Pissing, Crying for his Mommy, Wizard-toddler.

There was no escape from this nightmare, but after a tense stretch of time, it became obvious that this Big Bad Bertha (for the cockroach had the name Bertha taped to her enclosure), was oblivious to his presence. 

Indistinguishable voices were at the very edge of his consciousness. “First I am sequestered in this plastic prison with a big-arse arthropod! Now I’m having auditory hallucinations. Perhaps if I go back to sleep, this will all prove to be a truly horrific dream. Potter will pay, for I am certain he’s behind this”.

Psst - writer speaking here. Harry is totally innocent. But it’s no coincidence that Severus is without the others. And that the person, or persons responsible for his predicament, has yet to appear.

TBC...

**Author's Note:**

> I am gifting this to Cithara, whose current fic I both adore, and am totally frustrated by. I hope Big Bad Bertha (the Madagascar Hissing Cockroach) does not creep you out.


End file.
